Reflections

Today, I spent a little bit of time reflecting on why we left home in the first place.  Thoughts that turn homeward are usually sad times of homesickness for me, especially now that we have our little Emma.  I want to get down these thoughts just so they aren't lost.

Why did I leave home? ...and how did it feel to leave?

• I did not leave home so that I could be blessed, but so that I and my family could be a blessing.  This is very important for me to remember because it is VERY hard to live away from home, especially in a foreign culture.  
• I did not happily leave home with great anticipation of how cool it would be to live in South Asia.  I was scared then of what weird encounters we would have, bad illnesses we may contract, and insane cultural moments that would drive us crazy.  
• I grieved the thought of my family not being around for the births of my children, and that we would have no pictures with grandparents and aunts and uncles throughout our childrens' lives as a result of this move.  
• We prayerfully left the normal and usual and entered the unknown and unusual.

What is it like now... one year later?

Life in South Asia this past year has been easier than I had forecast it to be.  That is not to say that my heart isn't aching on a daily basis that we cannot have more access to our family and friends back in our homeland.  It is also not saying that this has been a piece of cake.  Morning sickness was killer those first four months due to the smells here that can make anyone queasy.  Car sickness is a new issue due to the traffic and absence of true traffic laws.  Pollution aggravates my sinuses provoking sinusitis unless I wear a face mask when out near the roads.  Also, the heat is ridiculous and makes cabin fever take on a whole new meaning for this new mama.  However...

• I did not get dengue fever, or any other mosquito-injected illnesses, and neither did Matt nor Emma.  
• We were not in a traffic accident (if you don't count the common fender-benders that rickshaws tend to get themselves into).  
• I had a pregnancy and birth without complications (if you overlook the lady who wouldn't have a medical license if she operated in the States who said my uterus was divided in two sides when there was nothing in an ultrasound to prove what she was saying - this was so she could make me come every two weeks to get re-scanned by her to check for issues in my pregnancy due to deformities).  I did have a very long labor, but a very quick delivery of Emma that also was without incident.  

As I was tearfully going through yet another round of culture shock blended with homesickness, the Lord kindly reminded me that if I will lean on Him for the strength to endure, that He will give it to me.

The Lord reminded me that I'm not a failure and that my role is actually quite important.  I'm raising our daughter, the next generation.  Through this role as Matt's wife and Emma's mommy, He will allow me to make attempts to impact the culture here in a way that would be pleasing in His sight because the culture will get to see how He makes a difference in this simple life we live.  Even though I am a broken person, His power is made perfect in my weakness because when I am weak, He is shown to be strong.

This is the hope He gave me for this next year -- He will fill me if I will empty myself.  He will empower me, if I will run to Him when I'm overwhelmed.  He will light my path, if I will seek His route.  He will be my home, if I will take rest in Him.